it's been a while.

life has been so busy and so full,
time has flown by and somehow i'm still keeping my head above water.
i take my ppr exam tomorrow then it's just finishing this class, hoping i pass the ppr, and taking a 10 day course in Commerce this summer and i'll be a certified teacher! Crazy what you can get when you get after it.
life is great everything is grand.... i've been dealing a lot lately with people and telling people lately you can't have everything but then again i mean can you really? the only person you i think is remotely close is Tiff, everyone else i feel could use something and the more i accomplish the more it is evident to me the thing i am lacking. it's never bothered me before, but now i wondering if some of the sacrafices i made once were what should have been sacraficed. I mean you can't have it all but what if the things i always wanted in reality wasn't what I needed at all? I guess you can't really complain despite the life I've been given somehow God always manages to lay out my cobblestone sidewalk minutes before i walk forward.

i've forgiven an old friend in my heart, one in which i never thought i could ever. but i did, and it came so naturally. I realized i learned this gift of forgiveness when i missed her. the hatred i once felt seemed stupid and immature, and i'm sure it was, but for the longest time it hurt me so deep I couldn't even look at her more less miss her. and the other day my heart missed her and i wanted to badly to call her to catch up.

it's funny the things that meant so much that don't anymore. I find myself wondering often to an old loves facebook page, technology can be such a burden at times as i see myself typing in his name just for confirmation that he is happy and doing well. and he is. staring back at me i see this man, this grown man, whom ive never known at all, but then i see the boy that i loved for five very long years, i never thought i would ever stop loving him, but the older i get the more he just seems so ordinary, so basic and simple. I think of the life i could have had if things would have been different, but then i quickly switch away like i've been caught and realize that he too is only an old friend that i have forgiven and would like to catch up with. i miss the boy i knew. the funny carefree boy i knew. but the man and the father i see, i do not wish to ever meet.

that's all i have that i'm moving and as i am the fog lifts enough for me to see the path in which God is leading me. and one day when that path comes to a gazebp, and beautiful it will be, i will have everything and i will look back on this post as i do many of my decisions and writings of the past and laugh at the immaturity that is myself.