it's that time of year...

always around this time of year my pimp hand manages to get REALLY strong...
i go boy crazy but the winter nights sometime you just need someone to cuddle with...
too bad i HATE cuddling.

i honestly have no idea what it is, maybe i look really good in winter clothes,
but this is my time of the year...
so i'm going to enjoy it!

Stacy June's couples shower in Austin is this weekend!
I love where I am who I am and what I want to become.
be love, one love.
xoxo jen

i'm off

i'm off for this WHOLE WEEK!
Thank you public education!
I can't say it enough but i'll say it again... I am so blessed to be where I am.

I have two (2) weddings coming up that I get to be a part of! I am extremely excited!
But i don't want anyone else to get married until i get over the weirdness that all of my best friends are married.

I saw New Moon! & for the first time in my life I was Team Jacob, his body was rockin!
Oh to be his sheWolf in the closet... AOOOOOOOO
He was so freaking FINE with that UGLY wig off nice abs nice butt... oh Taylor Lautner!


Soooo my room is complete! It is beautiful it makes me feel so grown up! Now i just need to find a place for all my junk.
I have aLOT to do this week..

BUT here's the peaks that I'm looking forward to this week.

-Stacy June gets here Wednesday :)
-Blair is coming back from Tennessee soon!
-My new HD DVR is going to be installed today!!
-I get my message tomorrow!
-Thanksgiving is on Thursday!
-Black Friday is FRIDAY!
-Eli Young with the future Mr. & Mrs. Bruce!

and the pits that i'm NOT very excited about at all are...
-grading/going through papers
-catching up on homework
-making Thanksgiving dinner

Well I hope everyone has a fabulous day and a GREAT Holiday...
here's my tip "Get Gingerbread LAttes from Panera NOT Starbucks."
One Love/ Be Love,
xoxo,Jen

sometimes...

i look around and where i am and what i got... and it feels so surreal.
i love you.

it's official OFFICIAL... i AM A KINDERGARTEN TEACHER!

i feel almost stupid for how excited I am about this opportunity i have been given...
i really think i may just be the BEST Kindergarten teacher in the world...
my plan... drill drill drill my kids this year, next year i'll have my game plan fo sho...
i am truly blessed to have this class of 14 as my first class ever... MY FIRST CLASS!!
I am responsible for the early childhood education of 14 babies... & i DO NOT take that lightly.

I'M GROWING UP!

Today i got my probationary certificate posted and went to visit the Grands, my grandma worked and retired in DISD & my gpa still works for DISD, and needless to say education is VERY important to them. SO my gparentals were ECSTATIC about this so we went out to dinner (at lubys haha) i got a grown up talk by the gpa, about managing money ha... but then when we got talking about kids he was so sincere in that he was so proud that i was educating these young babies, and that was my number one priority was teaching the babies...
so then i start talking about my kinder babies this and that what we're learning then i tell him that i taught them this song for our transition from morning work to the carpet in the morning...

(to the tune of happy birthday)
good morning to you *point*
good morning to you *point*
good morning good morning
good morning tooooo yoooooou. *point*

just so happens to be the same song my gpa sang to me when i'd get up for school as a child...
talk about trying not to cry when you see your gpa cry...
that's when i first felt "the feeling" that after all these years i FINALLY made him proud.
& that's all i've ever wanted in this life, he's the reason i did all AP classes in high school, he's the reason i went to college, he's the reason i finished college, the reason i never had a baby, the reason why i do all i do...

it's a powerful feeling.

then i start talking about the GREAT chirstmas presents i'll be able to afford this year & he looks at me and says "you already gave me the greatest present" TALK ABOUT MELTING your heart... if anyone knows my gpa they know i'm the apple of his eye, if anyone knows me they know he's my EVERYTHING...

it feels good to be Ms. Hernandez 1st year Kindergarten Teacher :)

gravity

just when you think you have everything figured out...
who you loved. why you loved. when you loved.
just when you think to yourself that you are mature.
with mature thoughts. mature actions. mature words.

it only takes one phone call at 2AM


to make you begin to think.... why do i love the way i love.
why now? why me? is this fate? is this purpose? is this true love?


then 15 songs in a playlist later you begin to remember why it never worked.
you remember what he did.
you remember how you felt.
you feel not love but compassion for something you once saw as so great.
& you feel sorry for him, for her, for them.

because they never got to meet the people you did.
they obviously never felt REAL love besides the fraction of the immature love you gave.
or the reflection of a vision of love he once saw in someone else's eyes.
because they don't know what life has to offer
and chances are they will never be able to grasp it fully...
they live a life of the consequences of their mistakes.

then you write a logical perspective in your blog to back up the reasoning of
no i will not talk to my ex boyfriend.


even though i am crazy for even thinking about it, and feeling special that i got a call at 2am in the morning because
he thought of me.
because he missed me...
you realize and understand, you're worth more than a 2 in the morning phone call
and a life of shallow expectations...
and the love you give is so powerful and strong
that only the greatest of men desire your WHOLE heart.
then you smile and lay down to bed knowing that you will not dream of this shallow anymore
but instead dream of the hopes of the happiness of your future.
the recollection of the time you felt whole with a man with no jaded memories attached.
a time when you believed you deserved the best
and the best believed he deserved you.


goodnight.

jen and tiff convo

it's amazing when you can sit next to someone and feel like they're holding your hand.
it's rare that you can see a smile or a laughter in someones eyes
it's hard to find someone who even the most annoying and disgusting things are okay.
i think i'm ready for a grown up relationship because i've never know that...

"it's funny but when your ready is the time it won't happen it's when you lease expect it that it jumps into your lap"

life has been crazy i LOVE teaching Kindergarten, but I am SO physically tired i could cry, and all i want to do is come home to someone who i am crazy in love with... someone who can take vacations with me and won't yell at me if i don't wanna cook or clean the house. But i know that with all good things you must have patience... but just so you know... patience is hard for me to have.

horrible no good very bad day.

Woke up late-Dallas rainy day morning rush hour-got to school late- forgot my key- spilled coffee all over the lamenants i cut all weekend-forgot my name badge-forgot my lunch- had to eat spegetti the lunch room kid kind- left late- a car was parked behind me so I couldn't get out- got to class and realized I didn't do the last page of my homework-ate too much- found out the FIRST LOVE is ENGAGED!

keep on monday... keep on going i swear i'll slap you in the face.

kindergarten

i'm subbing/teaching KINDERGARTEN!!!
out of 6 kinder class i'm in one of the two that are english!
i need energy!

timeline

AHHHH SO IT'S HERE... i am that character in books of the single friend!!
ALL OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE MARRIED OR ARE GETTING MARRIED SOON!!!
So Tammy's wedding was AMAZING so beautiful i was SO happy to be a part of it!!
She just got back from her honeymoon in Jamaica & it still hadn't really hit me yet...
...until she changed her name on facebook Tammy Belle-Wells!!! AHHHHH

So now it comes down to crunch time...

SEPT: I start work as a sub for DISD & start my 2nd to last class at TAMU Commerce!
OCT: My class is done & BREANNA LYNS 1st BIRTHDAY
NOV: 3yr memorial for my mom
DECEMBER: Christmas & Tiff's BACH
JAN: Tiffany & Wiley get married
FEB: I start student teaching.(really this starts in jan but i didnt wanna take away from Tiff's wedding)
MARCH: Stacy & Derrick get married!
APRIL: nothing yet but im sure someone will throw a wedding at me around this time
MAY:DONE & Completely Certified to Teach!!

So pretty much see everyone NEXT SUMMER!!!
i'll be that maidofhonor/bridesmaid in all those beautiful weddings!!
i never thought it was weird to be single.
Until now.
See you @ the gym ladies & gents.
One|Be LOvE, jen

MY BEST FRIENDS WEDDING.

Can i get an Amen for Gods wondrous glory & the people he puts in our lives!

To Tammy & Andre:
I hope everyday you take a second to realize the perfection.
The perfection in the creation God molded just for you.
The person you vowed your mind body and soul with no substitution...
To the one who has made your life new.

You two make forever seem easy.
Taking day by day and waiting so patiently...
Your love is a gift and now a covenant with God's grace and love
Fate deems it must be written in the stars up above.

Tammy, my best friend your such a picky girl.
Surprisingly you didn't even have to search the world
To find your Booba, your soulmate, your other half.
I could tell it was special when I heard i love you through a laugh.
You have this power over one another that makes the world bright.
I wasn't positive love like that existed until you "did it right."


Don't take for granted the days, hours, minutes you have as husband and wife.
The love you have will carry you through this crazy life.
Among all the chaos, the blur, and the worldly lies
When you fight, are stressed, or are running out of time
I pray that you always see God as clearly through each others eyes
as you did on the 15th day of August 2009.




---- it was one of the mist beautiful weddings i have ever been too... i cried like a baby and i believe everyone has their own booba out there!! Thanks so much to the Belle-Wells family for inviting me to be a part of your celebration and boy was it a celebration (WIND IT UP) i love you guys SO MUCH! Fun times, and beautiful things happened this weekend!
ONELOVE, jNh

not so Fun facts

I've made some discoveries lately some of which I am not too proud of some that coming from me sound corny to myself but oh well that's what blogging is for right? & who really reads this anyways I think it's for my own satisfaction of knowing I attempted to see my feelings through logical order by writting them down...
1) I will always want what I can in no way have... If you ever want me to want you go away & I will but when you come back I won't want you anymore. It's all about supply & demand.
2) if I've ever loved you... You know it, & I won't ever... Never ever stop lovng you. Ever.but you know that too.
3) I've been feeling a longing lately to a time in my life when I wasn't of the world... I feel I must find again that hope I claim I have Lways had becAuse I have lost it. I do no longer fear Gods power as much as the worlds how'd I managae to drift so far? Create in me a new heart.
4) I am responsible. I will not be a victim of circumstances.

One love, jnh

It's been some time

Since the last post many things have occured.
A. I started grad school at Texas ATM Commerce to get alternative certification to teach ec-6!! I made an A in my first teachers class which I just so happened to take with Noèl & Tietjen! It was fun!! So now I'm finishing up another class and then me & Noèl start Psychology in July!! I took the TexEs test this past Saturday & it was harder than I thought I felt like I may have been on an episode of are you smarter than a fifth grader & was losing!!
B. My 23rd bday came & went!!! Although I was in class from 1-9 on my actual birthDAY I swindled some sympathy Chick-Fil-A out of Wiley (Tiffs amazing fiancè!) & my uncle met me for an extremely late dinner. Then I had a bday dinner the next day with my wonderful Godmother & Godsister. Thursday my family got back from Port Aransas from a visit with one of my favorite uncles, Rick & my Tia Lilia! (yes they left me alone on my bday:() but in tow were bday presents that included Britney Spears concert tickets & some gorgeous Cowboy boots!! Yaaaaay!! Friday was my bday bash & it was wonderful! I had so much fun with my best friends!! They really make everything so much better!! We got real silly & my wonderful gpa got us a hotel for convenience ;) then Saturday although e xtremely hungover we had fathers day cookout @ my uncles and it was pretty great cause it was also a mini bday for me! I'm really excited about 23 it already seems a heck of a lot better than 22!
C. We had the Duron family reunion this pAst weekend at Sandy Lake & the Omni hotel & I was given the opportunity to be one of the youngest hosts. It was alot of fun but for being Mexican we sure do have a lot of white people or white looking people in our family!!!
D. I have been informed I will be going on vacation this summer!! My wonderful uncle aka my nuno is taking his family and me & the girls to coco beach for a week at the end of July!!! & the week before is Randy Rogers @ southern junction! (me and noèl are super excited about that)


anywhoooo hope everyone is happy & healthy I'm superbusy with teacher school but let me tell you I'm so excited for this next chapter in my life!!!
One love- JH

lies & the truth

it has been a while since i have blogged... i honestly forgot about it until i saw VGG updated her blog via facebook & wanted to follow her i figured out i had forgotten.

i have had a huge weight lifted off my shoulder thanks to BIGGEST LIFETIME LIE... but now its not a lie anymore so im fine.
(dear Lord i'm sorry i lied i'll never do it again amen)

so i discovered falling asleep to SNAPPED on the Oxygen channel led to a very intense dream of me being a relator selling Connors house but solving a case of a man killing women and turning them into brownies. yes i watch too much of that crazy TV... hence why i am awake right now at 4:28 in the morning.

So i start my teaching classes in 2 weeks!! i'm really excited i hope they have a class for how to dress like a teacher bc i need to know where i get my long denim skirt, festive holiday sweater vests, & of coarse all the turqouise & rhinestone jewelry i can carry...

√ noDoubt/Paramore tickets are bought for Saturday
√ made an A in my Sociology class

so conny&brian are having a huge estate sale tomorrow & i really want brians lamp even tho it went from 5 to 10 dollars... i may just go get it for 10 anyways if i want it so bad im blogging about it.

so when people say "you cant handle the truth" does that mean you really can't or they're scared you'll look down upon them... i think everyone can handle the truth but sometimes lies are just easier, maybe funnier, make a better story.... iDk man.

in other words im really tired but i keep hearing noises and am convinced jenny mitch had that knife by her bed for a reason so hopefully i can snooze fest soon... shout out to VGG in Bulgaria in the words of my grandmother "you go girl"

one love. jnH

O my my my

the ridiculousness of what is called my life is ever growing...
haha

last weekend i spent the weekend in Austin to celebrate both Val's going away & Stacy June's 23rd birthday...
they both are truly blessings in my life. I'm so glad we stumbled upon each other.
I don't really remember a time when we weren't friends, or a time i didn't love them both so much.

I'm so proud of my Valerie, i find myself boasting to people about my amazing friend who is going into the peace corps...
i am truly amazed at her unselfishness.. she's so beautiful both inside and out, a rare breed i tell you.
& most of all she puts up with me : )

& Stacy June... i mean by chance we met & we've already done so much together, we've traveled the world together!!
I fell in love with her so fast because she is the first and only friend that truly reminds me of my mother.
She has a heart of gold & i am SO blessed to know both her and her wonderful family.


as for myself, im growing im learning, i have a new found obsession for a good bloody mary.
my little sister is a riot both of them are actually,
one is well... def a pre-teen that's all im gunna say about that.
the other one is blackmailing me with information about my middle school boyfriend!!!

to be in middle school one more time, no worries in the world, poor but happy...
i miss those days of comfort and bliss, my world was so perfect upside down.

Victoria didn't make it into booker T & Clarissa didnt make the Olympic Development team like she had hoped.
i feel bad, i feel like everything i ever truly wanted i got, but thats not to say i didn't work my butt off for it.
My dad told them each the story of when i was cheerleader all the way up until my junior year and i didnt make it,
then the next year i tried out again and made it... they rolled their eyes of coarse, but i was proud of myself then... even tho for a little bit it seemed like the end of the world & i listened to pinks song Mizunderstood for like a month on repeat... but i made it through & found other things... but best of all i made a good learning story for my sisters later ;) i feel like kids these days expect things to be handed to them... esp. my girls, that money can buy just about anything, but i told them when i wanted something like cheerleading i went to camps took workshops practiced everyday... & my girls they think they are God's gift and can go in one time with no practice and take the academy award home. Then me and my dad broke the news to Tor that she is going to Poteet the high school were neither her best friends (who to me are just trouble) nor her boyfriend are going... & let me tell you it was TRAUMATICCCCC!! But i think it is going to be best for her and she'll thank me & my dad later :)

but just when everything seemed to be going wrong for my now 14 yr old princess Tor something wonderful happened... she was asked to apply for the National Junior Honor Society!!! & even better... SHE GOT IN!! NJHS, o the days of being i think i was secretary or vice some kinda office, but i LOVED knowing i was smarted than the other people... & now she knows she's not dumb... my baby is SMART!

Lastly, i just want to note that it is noted, that Bret Peterson is the sweetest man to my little sister. Who'd ever think Bret, my middle school boyfriend, would be the most hated teacher at Agnew... haha Mr. Agnew himself, i hear 1. He's mean 2. He gives too much homework 3.He hates everyone... but he's SO sweet to my little sister, my little sister he would carry on his shoulders when she was 5, that he took pictures with at 6 flags, that tagged along with us on our Valentines day date at the zoo... my little sister that LOVED when Bret came over to play. He is an amazing man, & that girlfriend of his sure is a lucky duck.

enough blogging for the day... my prayers today are with the mothers of the two little boys who hung themselves because of bullying... poor babies, if only they would have had a friend, a GOOD friend.

onelove. jen

confessions of an 8th grader.

i went to go pick up my little sister yesterday from school...
and i saw him.
for the first time in years.

almost like the time i saw him for the first time 10 years ago.
same place. same face. different time. but better.

& i had the same desire i had when i was 13.
just like in the hall way when i whispered to my best friend
"he's going to be my boyfriend"

my middle school boyfriend... is no longer a boy.
he's a man. he's a teacher. he's a coach.
he fullfilled his dream.

when the line "God it's so beautiful when that boy smiles"
was made... it was written about him.

bsp & me forever we'll be.

onelove.

hello & welcome.

so many things have been going on lately.
first of all i got a new doggy!!
We got him the day before Easter, he is a Yorkie-Poodle mix aka Yorkie Poo!!!
Even tho his hair is too long and he makes me sneeze sometimes i love him.
His name... ALFALFA!

so Easter was Sunday & boy did we have a great time with the family!!
Just when you think everyone is too old for Easter we go and surprise people.
Even my great-grand mother (whom i just found out is not 65;) was in shock
when i beat all the little kids in the bunny hop sack race...
hahaha i still have it in me.

i talked to Carl the other day. he said him and his girl are doing good...
im glad, despite all the bad things i cant help but still care and love him.
i think we were just young and stupid back then... but now we're old and messed up.
i love you though Carl, & i wish nothing but the best for you & that precious little girl.

So i started my workout regimen again today... this time lets hope it sticks bc i can afford to shed the pounds.
i special sorry to everyone who has heard me snore, i cant help it. hahaha
but i dont snore all the time.
i feel good and clean & now its bed time.

one love. jNH

tv in my dreams

i fell asleep during "the baby story" again & had a dream i had a green-eyed, but i had a husband and a wife... that wife part probably came from Oprah... TV is in my dreams.

mon.day.

i had so many realizations today.

1) i miss highschool
i miss breaking up, making up, talking shit about people, wearing my cheerleading skirt, thinking i am fat when i wasnt, drama at school, boyfriends, breaking up for an hour, cheating, highschool parties, drinking illegally, lying to your parents, driving around with friends, shoving 6 people into a car... if i could do it all over again i totally wood... hello never been kissed i could totally be an insider journalist since my waitress told me i look like i'm 12.

2) i miss college
i wish i would have studied harder or at least taken better classes, i wish i would have done a different "support field" i wish i would have been more involved in club, i wish i would have hung out with more people, made out with more people, been more involves, gone to chapel more...

3) i LOVE Oprah esp the episode with all the mothers
these ladies said the most ridiculous things in the world... like when asked about sex after marriage this one lady said "i see it as an out door now not an in door" another lady said "i was on a road trip and the kids were asleep and i didnt want to wake them up and i had to pee so i took a diaper and peed in it" another woman said "im going to be honest i dont really give my kids baths i dump them in the jacuzzi and hope the bubbles clean them." &... "i think the secret to any good kids party is alcohol for the parents." & then my favorite "sometimes i find myself saying what did i do to my life... what the HELL did i do to my life." my grandmother calls me little mother, i guess i kina am... but one day i'll be the best mom in the world to baby JENICA :)

4) monday night television is the BOMB
on TiVo for Monday
1.Greek: Jesse McCartney welcome cause boy you are fiooooone! & Cappie still makes me happy... that show really makes me LOL ask my sister... ugh it makes me miss DT!
2.I Love Money: Bucks needs some BUCKS left :( but Frenchie got to play in her badding soot!
3. Medium: still love this show & Dawson left his creek and made an appearance.
4. The Hills: LC & HEIDI PRATT REUNION!? O M G!! SOOOO good love the drama wish the show was an hour everytime... i didnt like LC's red lipstick but i guess its the style... Heidi looks like she's on coke, Spencer is a little bitch he reminds me of *cough*Austin*cough* i look really closely when Heidi goes to Crested Butte to see if i can see things i recognize hahaha..
5. Taking the Stage: Those kids are REALLY talented... & i'm not going to lie i wanna be Mia & they have maaaaad style.

5) I got to ABILENE ON THURS!!
- teachers job fair -transcript shit -financial aid shit -fun -toadies!
& i just wanna say i texted Matt Pinckley the same thing twice so he would think my phone sent it twice (cause he hates that and finds it annoying)... & i laughed about it right after i did it... haha

6) i did a cross wall for my CHANA today... it came out pretty good, maybe i should be an interior decorator... or maybe i will jsut do teaching like i plan.. i think im gunna just go the eff ahead and get my masters... summer I starts june 4th ahhhhh shit but its okay... honestly i think im just continuing school until my husband marries me and can pay my loans for me instead. just kidding ;)

besides my LOVE for Perez Hilton on the Bad Girls Club Reunion...
follow him & Chelsea Handler on Twitter they are HILARIOUS...
& follow me of coarse i'm pretty funny...

one love,jen

when you mexican & a woman

Yesterday was my sisters Confirmation party because on Friday she was confirmed into the Catholic Church.
It was pretty amazing to see my family come and support her & myself (because I was her sponsor:) in the receiving of this sacrament. It was beautiful to watch my family laugh at the dinner afterwards, it was beautiful to be with each other in faith at a church for my baby sister who is now a confirmed being in the Catholic faith.

So we had the confirmation friday but as every mexican knows it doesnt matter what the occasion is if there is one.. we're gonna party... SO Saturday we had the "Confirmation Party" topped off with a little cake and everything. We had Giso or as Cody called it "Mexican Beef Stew" Rice Beans & my God mothers specialty... POTATO SALAD... you may think this is odd but its common for all of us. Along with a slew of wine and beer!! VIVA MEXICO!

In no order these are somethings I learned/realized that i never did before.

1. You have to serve every male in your family... when eating.
2. Margozo means "bitter" in spanish (as in the wine is bitter)
3. Don't you dare let a man start clean up duty.
4. Beans cannot be put into the fridge hot or warm, they must be cold.

Call it folk tale, but i believe!
Anyways--- im grateful for all my family, my cousin Nickie who i ADORE... my great grandmother who still feels like she's 50... my grandparents who are SO cute & bought gifts even for people they dont know, my uncle & his wife who really helped me out with the food, my Madrina aka God mother who really is like my mother she means a lot to me & it makes sense now why my mom picked her, my dad, my uncle bob and aunt ceci, & the newest edition for life (because my dad is his new god father) the Dziaks!!

It was a blast & it was tiring... & a lot of work...
but it was all worth it when my Madrina came up to me & said
"Jen i am really proud of you, your mom is really proud of you"
one love. jen. :)

an affair.

"The number one reason men cheat is because there are so many women out there willing to cheat with them."
-steve harvey

when i heard this quote said on Oprah i nodded my head and then i felt ashamed...
because... well because
i had an affair.

i had an affair that lasted 6 months & when it was going on i knew that i was doing wrong,
but i loved it so much i didn't care then that he wasn't going to be with me forever...
i didn't care that i was taking away moments that belonged to his fiance...

& the saddest part,
i still don't feel bad.
i like to say he didn't matter, especially after i found out he was so "friendly" with a lot of girls...
but to be honest, he was the first man that i deeply cared about in over 3 years.

Politically he was hers... physically he was mine, emotionally i dont think he was anyones, in reality he was everyones.
I remember the late night phone calls that were so wrong but to have him hold me and put me on his lap, sing me a song, talk to me about his day, it made me feel something, something i hadn't in a long time...

i remember this one time he ran to my room an my apartment was dark...
and i ran after him scolding him that he "better not go into my room" & just as i hit the hallway i felt him grab my ankle, and there was was laying in the hallway on the floor laughing and pulled me down for a kiss.

i remember breakfast and riding in the car singing "i'm in a hurry to get things done" & seeing the smile in his eyes.

i remember the text messages and the phone calls.

I remember telling him over and over that i couldn't "do this" anymore...
a couple shots and beers later i'd call him and he'd come right back to me.

I remember drinking wine on my couch and out of nowhere feeling a kiss,
i remember how much i loved his kiss... the taste of whiskey beer and cigarettes on his bottom lip.

i remember that night i had a party and we kissed passionatly on the balcony while everyone was inside... the rush and the hormones and the rush, no one was in the world but us... & it felt SO good.

i remember the day before he left me that whole week i had been so upset, then i saw him that one night & then he called and then there he was on my door step. then there he was in my bed then there i was in his arms... crying and there he was kissing my tears, then there he was looking at me saying goodbye and kissing me on my head.

i remember i thought he wouldn't go through with it, i thought he'd come back to me.
i thought that what i had felt hadn't been a lie...
but i was wrong. & he's still gone, and when i lay in bed under my sheets i smell him, i can hear his voice, & as much as i wanna hate him for doing what he did i don't, he showed me that i could feel again...

but when steve harvey says the number one reason men cheat is bc there are so many woman wiling to cheat with them... he is right, i was willing... & now i am ashamed, i am ashamed that i lowered myself to that & i am ashamed that i was one of those woman who knew and let it happen anyways.

cheating never gets anyone anywhere thats why it's called cheating.
one love.

stop it... :)

i saw Justin Timberlake on Oprah the other day, & fell back in love with him all over again,
I still don't think he's gotten the concept that he is the sexiest man in the world...
but as he was speaking at times my mind would wonder... far away to a land of boys... realistic ones,
& i realized that i have dated my justin timberlake, that i still swoon over boys who can say "stop it" in the sarcastic monotone...
it's a nice feeling, love. feelings. being able to feel something for someone.

SOOOO...
Cici (my Civic) was violated by some people with no jobs and obviously not very educated who stole her faceplate! aka my 2003 Panisonic faceplate, but they also severely messed up the area around it, AC controlers and vents etc trying to get the cd player in which they FAILED... so she has been in the shop at Protech all weekend! & IT HAS SUUUUCKED!

you find out who your REALLY good friends are when you start telling people you need a ride!!
& the winners for REALLY good friends are....

BLAIR DAVIS
JESSICA PULLEY
& STEPHEN MCCAIN!

Congratulations my friends ya'll win for driving all the way from McKinney & Arlington to Dallas to Mesquite to come pick me up, share your whiskey & hang out at Sports City Cafe Mesquite!! hahaha it was definately an experience! haha

so i missed my best friend Adam all weekend as he was gambling away money i wish i had in Vegas... bitch. :( :)
Britney Spears comes to American Airlines Center tomorrow!! Will i be there? Well you see it entirely depends... will i get wasted? Most definately!! Do i miss you babe? O yeaaaaaaa!

one love,
jen

how do i live without you.

it's been 2 yrs since my mothers passing & i still havn't gotten use to life without her.
everything that i believed was the foundation of my existence, the way that i was "raised" has been replaced with a pity love.
when i look at my little sister i can't believe the difference in the way they are being raised. Everything I missed out on they experience, everything I wasn't allowed to do they are more than welcomed & all i can do is sit back and secretly hate my little sister more and more everyday. If she didn't have half of my blood in her I would no doubt hate her completely. alot of people say... "O but she's only 11 she's still a little girl bla bla bla she's the baby" but i really do feel she is indeed just a MEAN little girl. She has this smug look across her face like she answers to no one, & i do think she knows that she doesn't. My mom was probably the best equalizer of all time, I knew to always ask her permission, I knew to always be considerate of not only her but the rest of my family. I know that my dad does everything he does trying to over compensate for the 11 years he was not a part of our family, but I feel like our home isn't a home anymore but more of a hang out. I can hear my mom yelling at the girls to be quiet because my dad was asleep and here my 11 yr old sister invites playmates over to play soccer inside the house....

as much as i think it's stupid to cry about it...
i can't help it.

it's not like anyone cares anyways... just my mom.

the fact of the matter is that i am still a child myself. i need a parent, a mother and a father & instead i have an occassional friend that I live with and no mother. I am a orphan. I'm sure some people would say you are about to be 23 go be your own person your so lazy, but it's hard. I believe that I am doing some good living here at home hoping that maybe one day my younger siblings will learn the things my mother taught me, how to fold laundry, how to clean a bathroom, how to raise a family. But this is not my family to raise and I have to respect that.

thunderstorm naps

thunderstorm naps by far are the greatest, but i always manage to have the weirdest dreams, today i was stopping a man from stealing the dna evidence to prove he raped my cousin who in fact looked like ugly betty...
maybe i shouldn't sleep with the TV on anymore.

other than that i spent my day looking up fence companies for our new awesome fence we're going to get!
& i went coupon shopping and save 33 dollars! cleaned the bath room made dinner, went by hobby lobby because i am redecorating the space above our kitchen cabinets and rented a movie, now i think i am going to watch some american idol then hit the hay... cause boy am i tired. Being a stay at home daughter is hard work.

one love.
jen

today.

e-mails
i get the most ridiculous e-mails ever. i swear its ridiculous.
i get everything from sexy chats, to public relation circulars, coupons, recipes, & clothes stuff but i just recently added something new to the junk mail, & i dunno how i feel about it. I have allowed the Studio Movie Grill to add me to their e-mail list! Why you ask? Because it has become a new favorite of both mine & the girls. The girls think its cool you can eat and watch a movie and i enjoy the fact that you can drink beer and not get kicked out of the theater (not that that has ever happened;)
ANYWAYS the latest e-mail I have gottens headline read "GIRLS 12-18..." weird.


Happy Lations
I am just very happy & proud for someone i have always loved.
if you can still love someone after so many years, maybe your meant to love them forever.
I wish i could see him smile & I wish I could be there for this new adventure in his life.


one love.
jen

I love it

Quotes from my little sister
"does it feel good when you make fun of me does it feel just so good I vet it feels really good BECAUSE IT HURTS INSIDE!!"
" I'm a pretty girl I'm a pretty girl" Tor that's not how the song goes " I dunno if you realize this but I don't know the words to ANY song!! I'm a pretty girl I'm a pretty girl"
"when you see him I hope you talk about me as much as you talk about him to me"
"I made a boy cry he asked me out in front if everyone and I said no and he said why so you always say no I like you and I said i'm sorry I just don't feel the same way about you and he started crying"
"when I walked into school with me juicy couture bag it was like 'all eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus"

funnay

Funny things ive heard lately.

1. i LOVE ladyGaga & apparently so do gay men & now i understand why.

Check out the new ladyGaga video LoveGame... you'll understand why i LOVE her...

lets have some fun this beat is sick...
http://perezhilton.com/tv/index.php?ptvid=915a5fcc14920

Lets see how this goes...

so i've been compelled to start blogging.

i feel a little silly bc the last time i blogged was back in ummm 2003 xanga anyone?

i just have these ridiculous thoughts that i feel need to be put in black and white.

if you read them and enjoy them good for you. 

it may get a little ridiculous but what did you really expect?

i dont sleep much at night so i just created a new form of wasting the night.

hope everyone is glorious. miss few. love few. 

onelove.jnh