gravity

just when you think you have everything figured out...
who you loved. why you loved. when you loved.
just when you think to yourself that you are mature.
with mature thoughts. mature actions. mature words.

it only takes one phone call at 2AM


to make you begin to think.... why do i love the way i love.
why now? why me? is this fate? is this purpose? is this true love?


then 15 songs in a playlist later you begin to remember why it never worked.
you remember what he did.
you remember how you felt.
you feel not love but compassion for something you once saw as so great.
& you feel sorry for him, for her, for them.

because they never got to meet the people you did.
they obviously never felt REAL love besides the fraction of the immature love you gave.
or the reflection of a vision of love he once saw in someone else's eyes.
because they don't know what life has to offer
and chances are they will never be able to grasp it fully...
they live a life of the consequences of their mistakes.

then you write a logical perspective in your blog to back up the reasoning of
no i will not talk to my ex boyfriend.


even though i am crazy for even thinking about it, and feeling special that i got a call at 2am in the morning because
he thought of me.
because he missed me...
you realize and understand, you're worth more than a 2 in the morning phone call
and a life of shallow expectations...
and the love you give is so powerful and strong
that only the greatest of men desire your WHOLE heart.
then you smile and lay down to bed knowing that you will not dream of this shallow anymore
but instead dream of the hopes of the happiness of your future.
the recollection of the time you felt whole with a man with no jaded memories attached.
a time when you believed you deserved the best
and the best believed he deserved you.


goodnight.

jen and tiff convo

it's amazing when you can sit next to someone and feel like they're holding your hand.
it's rare that you can see a smile or a laughter in someones eyes
it's hard to find someone who even the most annoying and disgusting things are okay.
i think i'm ready for a grown up relationship because i've never know that...

"it's funny but when your ready is the time it won't happen it's when you lease expect it that it jumps into your lap"

life has been crazy i LOVE teaching Kindergarten, but I am SO physically tired i could cry, and all i want to do is come home to someone who i am crazy in love with... someone who can take vacations with me and won't yell at me if i don't wanna cook or clean the house. But i know that with all good things you must have patience... but just so you know... patience is hard for me to have.

horrible no good very bad day.

Woke up late-Dallas rainy day morning rush hour-got to school late- forgot my key- spilled coffee all over the lamenants i cut all weekend-forgot my name badge-forgot my lunch- had to eat spegetti the lunch room kid kind- left late- a car was parked behind me so I couldn't get out- got to class and realized I didn't do the last page of my homework-ate too much- found out the FIRST LOVE is ENGAGED!

keep on monday... keep on going i swear i'll slap you in the face.

kindergarten

i'm subbing/teaching KINDERGARTEN!!!
out of 6 kinder class i'm in one of the two that are english!
i need energy!

timeline

AHHHH SO IT'S HERE... i am that character in books of the single friend!!
ALL OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE MARRIED OR ARE GETTING MARRIED SOON!!!
So Tammy's wedding was AMAZING so beautiful i was SO happy to be a part of it!!
She just got back from her honeymoon in Jamaica & it still hadn't really hit me yet...
...until she changed her name on facebook Tammy Belle-Wells!!! AHHHHH

So now it comes down to crunch time...

SEPT: I start work as a sub for DISD & start my 2nd to last class at TAMU Commerce!
OCT: My class is done & BREANNA LYNS 1st BIRTHDAY
NOV: 3yr memorial for my mom
DECEMBER: Christmas & Tiff's BACH
JAN: Tiffany & Wiley get married
FEB: I start student teaching.(really this starts in jan but i didnt wanna take away from Tiff's wedding)
MARCH: Stacy & Derrick get married!
APRIL: nothing yet but im sure someone will throw a wedding at me around this time
MAY:DONE & Completely Certified to Teach!!

So pretty much see everyone NEXT SUMMER!!!
i'll be that maidofhonor/bridesmaid in all those beautiful weddings!!
i never thought it was weird to be single.
Until now.
See you @ the gym ladies & gents.
One|Be LOvE, jen

MY BEST FRIENDS WEDDING.

Can i get an Amen for Gods wondrous glory & the people he puts in our lives!

To Tammy & Andre:
I hope everyday you take a second to realize the perfection.
The perfection in the creation God molded just for you.
The person you vowed your mind body and soul with no substitution...
To the one who has made your life new.

You two make forever seem easy.
Taking day by day and waiting so patiently...
Your love is a gift and now a covenant with God's grace and love
Fate deems it must be written in the stars up above.

Tammy, my best friend your such a picky girl.
Surprisingly you didn't even have to search the world
To find your Booba, your soulmate, your other half.
I could tell it was special when I heard i love you through a laugh.
You have this power over one another that makes the world bright.
I wasn't positive love like that existed until you "did it right."


Don't take for granted the days, hours, minutes you have as husband and wife.
The love you have will carry you through this crazy life.
Among all the chaos, the blur, and the worldly lies
When you fight, are stressed, or are running out of time
I pray that you always see God as clearly through each others eyes
as you did on the 15th day of August 2009.




---- it was one of the mist beautiful weddings i have ever been too... i cried like a baby and i believe everyone has their own booba out there!! Thanks so much to the Belle-Wells family for inviting me to be a part of your celebration and boy was it a celebration (WIND IT UP) i love you guys SO MUCH! Fun times, and beautiful things happened this weekend!
ONELOVE, jNh

not so Fun facts

I've made some discoveries lately some of which I am not too proud of some that coming from me sound corny to myself but oh well that's what blogging is for right? & who really reads this anyways I think it's for my own satisfaction of knowing I attempted to see my feelings through logical order by writting them down...
1) I will always want what I can in no way have... If you ever want me to want you go away & I will but when you come back I won't want you anymore. It's all about supply & demand.
2) if I've ever loved you... You know it, & I won't ever... Never ever stop lovng you. Ever.but you know that too.
3) I've been feeling a longing lately to a time in my life when I wasn't of the world... I feel I must find again that hope I claim I have Lways had becAuse I have lost it. I do no longer fear Gods power as much as the worlds how'd I managae to drift so far? Create in me a new heart.
4) I am responsible. I will not be a victim of circumstances.

One love, jnh