Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Old school poems shot outs haha
Take me back to yesterday let me breathe that air, nothing is what it seems to be and life is never fair. I want the smile of innocence to still be in the unknown, the more I know the more I crumble and just want to go home. Everyday is harder and leads me further from you, into the chaos of this ugly world with nothing trite or true. I want to recklessy love and hold nothing for myself, for my hands have turned so green with greed there's hardly anything left. Nothing left to want or need but only a need for love, to love someone ive never known or something I've never thought. One day my life will flash before my eyes and I hope that this is true, that my happily ever after ending was with only you.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
it's been a while.
life has been so busy and so full,
time has flown by and somehow i'm still keeping my head above water.
i take my ppr exam tomorrow then it's just finishing this class, hoping i pass the ppr, and taking a 10 day course in Commerce this summer and i'll be a certified teacher! Crazy what you can get when you get after it.
life is great everything is grand.... i've been dealing a lot lately with people and telling people lately you can't have everything but then again i mean can you really? the only person you i think is remotely close is Tiff, everyone else i feel could use something and the more i accomplish the more it is evident to me the thing i am lacking. it's never bothered me before, but now i wondering if some of the sacrafices i made once were what should have been sacraficed. I mean you can't have it all but what if the things i always wanted in reality wasn't what I needed at all? I guess you can't really complain despite the life I've been given somehow God always manages to lay out my cobblestone sidewalk minutes before i walk forward.
i've forgiven an old friend in my heart, one in which i never thought i could ever. but i did, and it came so naturally. I realized i learned this gift of forgiveness when i missed her. the hatred i once felt seemed stupid and immature, and i'm sure it was, but for the longest time it hurt me so deep I couldn't even look at her more less miss her. and the other day my heart missed her and i wanted to badly to call her to catch up.
it's funny the things that meant so much that don't anymore. I find myself wondering often to an old loves facebook page, technology can be such a burden at times as i see myself typing in his name just for confirmation that he is happy and doing well. and he is. staring back at me i see this man, this grown man, whom ive never known at all, but then i see the boy that i loved for five very long years, i never thought i would ever stop loving him, but the older i get the more he just seems so ordinary, so basic and simple. I think of the life i could have had if things would have been different, but then i quickly switch away like i've been caught and realize that he too is only an old friend that i have forgiven and would like to catch up with. i miss the boy i knew. the funny carefree boy i knew. but the man and the father i see, i do not wish to ever meet.
that's all i have that i'm moving and as i am the fog lifts enough for me to see the path in which God is leading me. and one day when that path comes to a gazebp, and beautiful it will be, i will have everything and i will look back on this post as i do many of my decisions and writings of the past and laugh at the immaturity that is myself.
time has flown by and somehow i'm still keeping my head above water.
i take my ppr exam tomorrow then it's just finishing this class, hoping i pass the ppr, and taking a 10 day course in Commerce this summer and i'll be a certified teacher! Crazy what you can get when you get after it.
life is great everything is grand.... i've been dealing a lot lately with people and telling people lately you can't have everything but then again i mean can you really? the only person you i think is remotely close is Tiff, everyone else i feel could use something and the more i accomplish the more it is evident to me the thing i am lacking. it's never bothered me before, but now i wondering if some of the sacrafices i made once were what should have been sacraficed. I mean you can't have it all but what if the things i always wanted in reality wasn't what I needed at all? I guess you can't really complain despite the life I've been given somehow God always manages to lay out my cobblestone sidewalk minutes before i walk forward.
i've forgiven an old friend in my heart, one in which i never thought i could ever. but i did, and it came so naturally. I realized i learned this gift of forgiveness when i missed her. the hatred i once felt seemed stupid and immature, and i'm sure it was, but for the longest time it hurt me so deep I couldn't even look at her more less miss her. and the other day my heart missed her and i wanted to badly to call her to catch up.
it's funny the things that meant so much that don't anymore. I find myself wondering often to an old loves facebook page, technology can be such a burden at times as i see myself typing in his name just for confirmation that he is happy and doing well. and he is. staring back at me i see this man, this grown man, whom ive never known at all, but then i see the boy that i loved for five very long years, i never thought i would ever stop loving him, but the older i get the more he just seems so ordinary, so basic and simple. I think of the life i could have had if things would have been different, but then i quickly switch away like i've been caught and realize that he too is only an old friend that i have forgiven and would like to catch up with. i miss the boy i knew. the funny carefree boy i knew. but the man and the father i see, i do not wish to ever meet.
that's all i have that i'm moving and as i am the fog lifts enough for me to see the path in which God is leading me. and one day when that path comes to a gazebp, and beautiful it will be, i will have everything and i will look back on this post as i do many of my decisions and writings of the past and laugh at the immaturity that is myself.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
it's that time of year...
always around this time of year my pimp hand manages to get REALLY strong...
i go boy crazy but the winter nights sometime you just need someone to cuddle with...
too bad i HATE cuddling.
i honestly have no idea what it is, maybe i look really good in winter clothes,
but this is my time of the year...
so i'm going to enjoy it!
Stacy June's couples shower in Austin is this weekend!
I love where I am who I am and what I want to become.
be love, one love.
xoxo jen
i go boy crazy but the winter nights sometime you just need someone to cuddle with...
too bad i HATE cuddling.
i honestly have no idea what it is, maybe i look really good in winter clothes,
but this is my time of the year...
so i'm going to enjoy it!
Stacy June's couples shower in Austin is this weekend!
I love where I am who I am and what I want to become.
be love, one love.
xoxo jen
Monday, November 23, 2009
i'm off
i'm off for this WHOLE WEEK!
Thank you public education!
I can't say it enough but i'll say it again... I am so blessed to be where I am.
I have two (2) weddings coming up that I get to be a part of! I am extremely excited!
But i don't want anyone else to get married until i get over the weirdness that all of my best friends are married.
I saw New Moon! & for the first time in my life I was Team Jacob, his body was rockin!
Oh to be his sheWolf in the closet... AOOOOOOOO
He was so freaking FINE with that UGLY wig off nice abs nice butt... oh Taylor Lautner!
Soooo my room is complete! It is beautiful it makes me feel so grown up! Now i just need to find a place for all my junk.
I have aLOT to do this week..
BUT here's the peaks that I'm looking forward to this week.
-Stacy June gets here Wednesday :)
-Blair is coming back from Tennessee soon!
-My new HD DVR is going to be installed today!!
-I get my message tomorrow!
-Thanksgiving is on Thursday!
-Black Friday is FRIDAY!
-Eli Young with the future Mr. & Mrs. Bruce!
and the pits that i'm NOT very excited about at all are...
-grading/going through papers
-catching up on homework
-making Thanksgiving dinner
Well I hope everyone has a fabulous day and a GREAT Holiday...
here's my tip "Get Gingerbread LAttes from Panera NOT Starbucks."
One Love/ Be Love,
xoxo,Jen
Thank you public education!
I can't say it enough but i'll say it again... I am so blessed to be where I am.
I have two (2) weddings coming up that I get to be a part of! I am extremely excited!
But i don't want anyone else to get married until i get over the weirdness that all of my best friends are married.
I saw New Moon! & for the first time in my life I was Team Jacob, his body was rockin!
Oh to be his sheWolf in the closet... AOOOOOOOO
He was so freaking FINE with that UGLY wig off nice abs nice butt... oh Taylor Lautner!
Soooo my room is complete! It is beautiful it makes me feel so grown up! Now i just need to find a place for all my junk.
I have aLOT to do this week..
BUT here's the peaks that I'm looking forward to this week.
-Stacy June gets here Wednesday :)
-Blair is coming back from Tennessee soon!
-My new HD DVR is going to be installed today!!
-I get my message tomorrow!
-Thanksgiving is on Thursday!
-Black Friday is FRIDAY!
-Eli Young with the future Mr. & Mrs. Bruce!
and the pits that i'm NOT very excited about at all are...
-grading/going through papers
-catching up on homework
-making Thanksgiving dinner
Well I hope everyone has a fabulous day and a GREAT Holiday...
here's my tip "Get Gingerbread LAttes from Panera NOT Starbucks."
One Love/ Be Love,
xoxo,Jen
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
it's official OFFICIAL... i AM A KINDERGARTEN TEACHER!
i feel almost stupid for how excited I am about this opportunity i have been given...
i really think i may just be the BEST Kindergarten teacher in the world...
my plan... drill drill drill my kids this year, next year i'll have my game plan fo sho...
i am truly blessed to have this class of 14 as my first class ever... MY FIRST CLASS!!
I am responsible for the early childhood education of 14 babies... & i DO NOT take that lightly.
I'M GROWING UP!
Today i got my probationary certificate posted and went to visit the Grands, my grandma worked and retired in DISD & my gpa still works for DISD, and needless to say education is VERY important to them. SO my gparentals were ECSTATIC about this so we went out to dinner (at lubys haha) i got a grown up talk by the gpa, about managing money ha... but then when we got talking about kids he was so sincere in that he was so proud that i was educating these young babies, and that was my number one priority was teaching the babies...
so then i start talking about my kinder babies this and that what we're learning then i tell him that i taught them this song for our transition from morning work to the carpet in the morning...
(to the tune of happy birthday)
good morning to you *point*
good morning to you *point*
good morning good morning
good morning tooooo yoooooou. *point*
just so happens to be the same song my gpa sang to me when i'd get up for school as a child...
talk about trying not to cry when you see your gpa cry...
that's when i first felt "the feeling" that after all these years i FINALLY made him proud.
& that's all i've ever wanted in this life, he's the reason i did all AP classes in high school, he's the reason i went to college, he's the reason i finished college, the reason i never had a baby, the reason why i do all i do...
it's a powerful feeling.
then i start talking about the GREAT chirstmas presents i'll be able to afford this year & he looks at me and says "you already gave me the greatest present" TALK ABOUT MELTING your heart... if anyone knows my gpa they know i'm the apple of his eye, if anyone knows me they know he's my EVERYTHING...
it feels good to be Ms. Hernandez 1st year Kindergarten Teacher :)
i really think i may just be the BEST Kindergarten teacher in the world...
my plan... drill drill drill my kids this year, next year i'll have my game plan fo sho...
i am truly blessed to have this class of 14 as my first class ever... MY FIRST CLASS!!
I am responsible for the early childhood education of 14 babies... & i DO NOT take that lightly.
I'M GROWING UP!
Today i got my probationary certificate posted and went to visit the Grands, my grandma worked and retired in DISD & my gpa still works for DISD, and needless to say education is VERY important to them. SO my gparentals were ECSTATIC about this so we went out to dinner (at lubys haha) i got a grown up talk by the gpa, about managing money ha... but then when we got talking about kids he was so sincere in that he was so proud that i was educating these young babies, and that was my number one priority was teaching the babies...
so then i start talking about my kinder babies this and that what we're learning then i tell him that i taught them this song for our transition from morning work to the carpet in the morning...
(to the tune of happy birthday)
good morning to you *point*
good morning to you *point*
good morning good morning
good morning tooooo yoooooou. *point*
just so happens to be the same song my gpa sang to me when i'd get up for school as a child...
talk about trying not to cry when you see your gpa cry...
that's when i first felt "the feeling" that after all these years i FINALLY made him proud.
& that's all i've ever wanted in this life, he's the reason i did all AP classes in high school, he's the reason i went to college, he's the reason i finished college, the reason i never had a baby, the reason why i do all i do...
it's a powerful feeling.
then i start talking about the GREAT chirstmas presents i'll be able to afford this year & he looks at me and says "you already gave me the greatest present" TALK ABOUT MELTING your heart... if anyone knows my gpa they know i'm the apple of his eye, if anyone knows me they know he's my EVERYTHING...
it feels good to be Ms. Hernandez 1st year Kindergarten Teacher :)
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
gravity
just when you think you have everything figured out...
who you loved. why you loved. when you loved.
just when you think to yourself that you are mature.
with mature thoughts. mature actions. mature words.
it only takes one phone call at 2AM
to make you begin to think.... why do i love the way i love.
why now? why me? is this fate? is this purpose? is this true love?
then 15 songs in a playlist later you begin to remember why it never worked.
you remember what he did.
you remember how you felt.
you feel not love but compassion for something you once saw as so great.
& you feel sorry for him, for her, for them.
because they never got to meet the people you did.
they obviously never felt REAL love besides the fraction of the immature love you gave.
or the reflection of a vision of love he once saw in someone else's eyes.
because they don't know what life has to offer
and chances are they will never be able to grasp it fully...
they live a life of the consequences of their mistakes.
then you write a logical perspective in your blog to back up the reasoning of
no i will not talk to my ex boyfriend.
even though i am crazy for even thinking about it, and feeling special that i got a call at 2am in the morning because
he thought of me.
because he missed me...
you realize and understand, you're worth more than a 2 in the morning phone call
and a life of shallow expectations...
and the love you give is so powerful and strong
that only the greatest of men desire your WHOLE heart.
then you smile and lay down to bed knowing that you will not dream of this shallow anymore
but instead dream of the hopes of the happiness of your future.
the recollection of the time you felt whole with a man with no jaded memories attached.
a time when you believed you deserved the best
and the best believed he deserved you.
goodnight.
who you loved. why you loved. when you loved.
just when you think to yourself that you are mature.
with mature thoughts. mature actions. mature words.
it only takes one phone call at 2AM
to make you begin to think.... why do i love the way i love.
why now? why me? is this fate? is this purpose? is this true love?
then 15 songs in a playlist later you begin to remember why it never worked.
you remember what he did.
you remember how you felt.
you feel not love but compassion for something you once saw as so great.
& you feel sorry for him, for her, for them.
because they never got to meet the people you did.
they obviously never felt REAL love besides the fraction of the immature love you gave.
or the reflection of a vision of love he once saw in someone else's eyes.
because they don't know what life has to offer
and chances are they will never be able to grasp it fully...
they live a life of the consequences of their mistakes.
then you write a logical perspective in your blog to back up the reasoning of
no i will not talk to my ex boyfriend.
even though i am crazy for even thinking about it, and feeling special that i got a call at 2am in the morning because
he thought of me.
because he missed me...
you realize and understand, you're worth more than a 2 in the morning phone call
and a life of shallow expectations...
and the love you give is so powerful and strong
that only the greatest of men desire your WHOLE heart.
then you smile and lay down to bed knowing that you will not dream of this shallow anymore
but instead dream of the hopes of the happiness of your future.
the recollection of the time you felt whole with a man with no jaded memories attached.
a time when you believed you deserved the best
and the best believed he deserved you.
goodnight.
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